Quote of the Day (2010-07-31)

Alicia: There's nothing like a love song to give you a good laugh.

Source: Notorious

Quote of the Day (2010-07-30)

Kramer: "I just took a bath, Jerry. A bath!"

Jerry: "No good?"

Kramer: "It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-07-29)

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2010-07-28)

Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?

Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2010-07-27)

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Responsibility without power - the prerogative of the eunuch throughout the ages.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-07-26)

Rebecca: Until I began eating clean, I never realized how a good a nice, dry ricecake could taste.

Woody: How can you eat those, Miss Howe, they don't have any flavor.

Rebecca: Oh, if I eat these I will live longer.

Woody: Well, I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life? How come you wanna make it longer?

Rebecca: Shut up, Woody.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2010-07-25)

"I think she finds my stupidity charming."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-07-24)

Narrator: Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?

Richard Chesler: Yes. Make these your primary action items.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2010-07-23)

Frasier: I remember the very first time I ever held him [Frederick] in my arms as a newborn. It was as if everything else in the universe simply melted away. There was just a father, a son, and the distant sound of Lilith saying, "If you ever come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2010-07-22)

Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2010-07-21)

James Hacker: [Discussing ways to reform the education system] No, the DES would block it.

Dorothy Wainwright: Fine, get rid of them.

James Hacker: What?

Dorothy Wainwright: Get rid of the Department of Education.

James Hacker: I don't understand you.

Dorothy Wainwright: Get rid of it! Abolish it! Remove it! Expunge it! Eliminate it! Eradicate it! Exterminate it! Get rid of it!

James Hacker: Get rid of it?

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-07-20)

Jim: Five standard excuses?

Sir Humphrey: Yes. First there's the excuse we used for instance in the Anthony Blunt case.

Jim: Which was?

Sir Humphrey: That there is a perfectly satisfactory explanation for everything, but security forbids its disclosure. Second, there is the excuse we used for comprehensive schools, that it has only gone wrong because of heavy cuts in staff and budget which have stretched supervisory resources beyond the limits.

Jim: But that's not true is it?

Sir Humphrey: No, but it's a good excuse. Then there's the excuse we used for Concorde, it was a worthwhile experiment, now abandoned, but not before it had provided much valuable data and considerable employment.

Jim: But that is true isn't it? Oh no, of course it isn't.

Sir Humphrey: The fourth, there's the excuse we used for the Munich agreement. It occurred before certain important facts were known, and couldn't happen again.

Jim: What important facts?

Sir Humphrey: Well, that Hitler wanted to conquer Europe.

Jim: I thought everybody knew that.

Sir Humphrey: Not the Foreign Office.

Jim: Five?

Sir Humphrey: Five, there's the Charge of the Light Brigade excuse. It was an unfortunate lapse by an individual which has now been dealt with under internal disciplinary procedures."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-07-19)

Niles: I'm not without resources. My Tae-Kwan-Do instructor tells me I'm two moves away from being quite threatening.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2010-07-18)

Jerry: "You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."

George: "The coup de toe!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-07-17)

Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2010-07-16)

Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,

I sleep all night and I work all day.



CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,

He sleeps all night and he works all day.



I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,

I go to the lava-try.

On Wednesdays I go shoppin'

And have buttered scones for tea.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,

He goes to the lava-try.

On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'

And has buttered scones for tea.



CHORUS



I cut down trees, I skip and jump,

I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing,

And hang around in bars.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,

He likes to press wild flowers.

He puts on women's clothing

And hangs around.... In bars???????



CHORUS



I chop down trees, I wear high heels,

Suspendies and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie

Just like my dear papa.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels

Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????

(spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a *girlie*? Oh, My!

And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!



CHORUS



All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (BONG)

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2010-07-15)

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!



(pause)



Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.



(pause)



Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2010-07-14)

Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2010-07-13)

Ugarte: You know, Rick, I have many a friend in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me, you are the only one I trust.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2010-07-12)

"Boy, a month in Europe with Elaine. That guy's coming home in a body bag."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-07-11)

H.I.: And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2010-07-10)

Bernard Woolley: "May I just clarify this? You think the National Theatre thinks that you are bluffing and the National Theatre thinks that you think that they are bluffing, whereas your bluff is to make the National Theatre think that you are bluffing when you are not bluffing, or if you are bluffing, your bluff is to make them think you are not bluffing. And their bluff must be that they're bluffing, because if they're not bluffing they're not bluffing.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-07-09)

Edwards: I would like to voice my strong concern about this show's spiraling decline in ratings. David, ever since you took us to the Caribbean, it's been Jamaica homeless people sucking soup, and a big wave outside that cost a hundred thousand dollars. That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word "peppy" and the word "cheap". Peppy and cheap.

Source: Soapdish

Quote of the Day (2010-07-08)

Filipino kid: You are American?

Tourist: No, I'm a Canadian. It's like an American, but without the gun.

Source: Kids in the Hall

Quote of the Day (2010-07-07)

Jim Hacker: "Sir Mark thinks there maybe votes in it. And if so, I don't intend to look a gift horse in the mouth."

Sir Humphrey: "I put it to you, Minister, that you are looking a Trojan Horse in the mouth."

Jim Hacker: "If we look closely at this gift horse, we'll find it's full of Trojans?"

Bernard Woolley: "If you had looked a Trojan Horse in the mouth, Minister, you would have found Greeks inside. Well the point is that it was the Greeks that gave the Trojan Horse to the Trojans, so technically it wasn't a Trojan Horse at all, it was a Greek Horse. Hence the tag Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes which you recall is usually, and somewhat inaccurately translated as Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Or doubtless you would have recalled had you not attended the LSE. [...] No well, the point is, Minister, that just as the Trojan Horse was in fact Greek, what you describe as a Greek tag is in fact Latin. It's obvious really, the Greeks would never suggest bewaring of themselves if one used such a participle, bewaring that is, and it is clearly Latin, not because Timeo ends in 'o', because the Greek first person also ends in 'o'. Though actually, there is a Greek word called Timao meaning I honour. But the 'os' ending is a nominative singular termination of the second declension in Greek, and an accusative plural in Latin of course, though actually Danaos is not only the Greek for Greek but also the Latin for Greek, it is very interesting really."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-07-06)

Ian Faith: The Boston gig has been cancelled...

David St. Hubbins: What?

Ian Faith: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2010-07-05)

"I don't like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-07-04)

[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]

Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2010-07-03)

Lilith: I'm here for a convention and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric pez dispenser.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2010-07-02)

[Bart is faking illness to get out of a test he hasn't prepared for]

Bart: Ohhhh, my ovaries.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2010-07-01)

Ralph: [to Alice] Let's get one thing straight right now, right here and now: a man's home is just like his ship. And I am the captain of this ship, that's what I am, you understand. You're nothing but a lowly, third-class seaman. That's all you are. Your duties are to get the mess, swab the deck and see that the captain feels good. That's all you have to do. Remember, I'm the captain and you're just a third-class seaman.

[He notices that Alice is leaving and he stops her]

Ralph: Where are you going?

Alice: Seaman Kramden, third class, is retiring to the poop deck until this big wind blows over.

[leaves the room]

Source: The Honeymooners